Goodbye 2018, hello 2019!

Hey, it’s me again (Meaghan),
It has been a few months since I’ve last posted and so much has been going on. This year has been an interesting sort of year. At the start of this year I made a list of the things I wanted to achieve this year and I can proudly say that I have completed most of it. I’ve grown a lot as a person and have faced challenges along the way. If you have been following my blog since the start of this year, you would have seen what has been happening in my life. The struggles I faced with mental health then being broken free from it. I can finally say that I am a few months clean from self harming and I haven’t had a single urge to do so, praise God. I’ve experienced God’s love on a whole new level. I can actually say that I AM LOVED. I had never been able to say that, and I could never believe that I was valued enough to be loved. And I am, and so are you.

In the past few months since I’ve last wrote I have had to make hard decisions, I’ve had to really pray and seek God for His direction. Not going to lie it was tough. I hate letting people down or disappointing people, which is something I’m working on with God. I had to make a decision to follow where I feel 100% God is calling me or not disappointing the people I absolutely love and cherish, the people I call my family. It was the most hardest thing and for some people, that would be easy but these people led me back to God numerous of times, these people were there supporting me at my lowest of lows, they are the ones who never gave up on me and always believed in me. They took me under their wings and showed me love, grace, forgiveness, kindness, joy and true faith. I honestly cannot tell you where I would be without them. Times where I wanted to end my life, the first thing that popped into my mind was them. I was in a constant battle trying to figure out what to do. I felt so alone because I didn’t know what to say or do. All I could do was pray, seek God and have trust in the Creator, He is perfect and all things will work together for His good. I had to surrender my feelings and let God direct me. 

SO…

I am moving to Darwin!

For a while now I have known deep inside me that this year will be my last year in Melbourne and that God is calling me elsewhere. It is an exciting opportunity where I know for sure I will be growing even more in ways that I didn’t think were even possible. I’m so excited to just be in this position that I am in and that God has trusted me to do so. I am so excited to see how God uses me and how I’ll just be able to serve God in many different ways. And one of them will be prison ministry in a juvenile detention centre, which has been on my heart for a very long time.

My calling, but not only my calling but every believer’s calling is to go out and tell people about Jesus, to save, heal, deliver and disciple. We are also to live a life like Jesus. The only way we are able to is actually having a personal, real relationship with Him.
‘But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them? And how will anyone go and tell them without being sent? That is why the Scriptures say, “How beautiful are the feet of messengers who bring good news!”’ Romans 10:14-15 
2018 was a season of learning and waiting. A hard yet incredible year. A year of fully trusting in God even when I had no idea what was going on in the midst of it all. God knows and I know that His way is so much better than my way. As I reflected on the years that have passed I have seen how much God has had my life in His hands without me even realising and questioning His entire existence. The nights I spent wasted because drinking gave me that temporary high, the nights I spent numb, the nights I spent in a pool of blood, the nights I spent ready to end it all, the nights I spent with a smoke in my mouth wanting it to poison me. I was on the road of destruction and I couldn’t care less. I thought that is what life was like. I thought I would never be happy, I didn’t even know what happiness felt like. I was so used to being so broken and feeling so hopeless, I was scared of feeling something different because every time I felt semi okay things got worse. The feelings I felt were unbearable, it was suffocating me and the enemy really deceived me into thinking I was absolutely nothing and that I’m a waste of space. I spent years and years focusing on the lies instead of the truth of who God actually created me to be.

2018, as I discovered more about God, as I dug deeper into His nature, things started changing. I started off the year doing an internship with Youth For Christ, something that God told me to do, I was challenged more, I was asked tough questions and I started to think differently. There’s more to life than just believing God and calling yourself a Christian. There’s so so much more, and God is calling us out of the ‘steady’ Christian life, out of religion and into relationship, into freedom. We cannot just be the type of Christian that just goes to church on a Sunday, and do all the “right” things, we need to be the light in this world, we need to be examples of Christ, and if we are just going to church on Sunday but getting wasted and faded, getting angry and lying, being of this world instead of not being conformed to this world, then who are we kidding. Romans 12:2. Why would people want to know God if you are just the same as them? We need to be transformed by His Word daily, we need to live what we preach, especially in our own home. I admit that I struggle at home but the more I spend time with God, things in my spirit change, I’m slow to anger, quick to forgive and I love so easily which is how we should be 100% of the time. We should serve with an overflowing heart. 

I have learnt so much that has literally changed my life and that isn’t even an exaggeration. First of all, I believe that I am loved, something that I struggled believing my whole life, I couldn’t even say it out loud. I believe everything that God says about me, about each and every one of us. The moment we believe the truth about ourselves, the truth about God and what happened on the cross it sets us free. The cross isn’t a covering of our sin, it is a removal of the sin nature.

‘We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. For when we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin. And since we died with Christ, we know we will also live with him. We are sure of this because Christ was raised from the dead, and he will never die again. Death no longer has any power over him. When he died, he died once to break the power of sin. But now that he lives, he lives for the glory of God. So you also should consider yourselves to be dead to the power of sin and alive to God through Christ Jesus. Do not let sin control the way you live; do not give in to sinful desires.’‘ Romans 6:6-12

‘Once you were dead because of your disobedience and your many sins. You used to live in sin, just like the rest of the world, obeying the devil—the commander of the powers in the unseen world. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature we were subject to God’s anger, just like everyone else. But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!) For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus. God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.’ Ephesians 2:1-8,10 

‘My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. ‘ Galatians 2:20 

‘Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him. Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.’ Colossians 3:10,12-15 

‘He was handed over to die because of our sins, and he was raised to life to make us right with God.’ Romans 4:25 

‘God has united you with Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made him to be wisdom itself. Christ made us right with God; he made us pure and holy, and he freed us from sin. ‘ 1 Corinthians 1:30 

On the 3rd of October of 2018, God spoke to me telling me that I don’t ever have to earn His love. I don’t have to strive for love anymore because I am already loved. I don’t have to search any longer, I don’t have to try any longer. I’m completely happy with the fact that I am loved so deeply by Our Creator. Struggling my whole life thinking no one loved me effected me in ways I didn’t realise and the moment I actually truly believed God loved me I broke. God broke every single wall that took years and years that I put up, He broke it instantly, then built me up with the truth, with His love. He restored my heart that was insanely broken, He put the pieces back together, the way it should be. I know who I am. I know that I am a daughter of God. I am able to walk in complete freedom, being able to be still and wait on God and resting in His presence. 

I am still growing and still learning but this year, 2019 is going to be radical and I am so very excited for it. Leaving the state I’ve been in my whole life to a new state, to Darwin. Where I’ve always felt like it was home. I am so excited for a change, for completely depending on solely Jesus and His provision, for my faith to grow in ways I never knew it could, for just growing so deep in Him and His love for people. I move in a month and I could not be more excited. An adventure awaits and I cannot wait to share it all with you! 

I have such a desire to really share God with youth, especially youth that people have pretty much given up on, or youth that have had a similar experience to what I have been through. I have such a desire to just love them and show them there is hope, that there is light, that there is something so much more greater than us, something that actually fulfills us and not just temporary. We need to stop looking down on the youth of today, we can’t give up on them. We need to be there for them, we need to love them. My heart continuously breaks for the lost children. 

I will be continuing with Youth For Christ and part of my role is putting together people who are willing to partner with me, partnering with what God is doing. I am needing people to partner with me in prayer and financially. I would love for you to pray about it and see where God is leading you.
‘Youth For Christ is an international and inter-denominational, non-profit, evangelical youth movement which is actually operating in over 100 countries. YFC is a movement of people unified by a common heart for Jesus and for young people.
YFC’s desire for all young people to encounter Jesus, to experience radical freedom and to truly understand their identity as sons and daughters of God.’


yfc.org.au/meaghan-gray/

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