Dear 13 year old Meaghan,
First of all I wanted to say, you make it. You’re going to be 20, you can dream for the future because you have one. Right now you’ll be in year 8 at your new school, don’t keep trying to get expelled because it doesn’t work (like at all)… just make the most of it there while you can. Year 8 is going to be tough, the rest of high school is going to be tough but it’s going to be okay. Don’t listen to what people are saying about you, don’t react, you have worth and you have purpose.
Please don’t keep picking up the razor, it’s going to lead to long and hard habits to break.
Please don’t stop eating, you’re not fat and this is going to be a tough one to crack, it also doesn’t help you in any sort of way. Meaghan, I wish you could see the future, I wish you could see that it does get better. The abuse stops, it’s painful but it stops, you’re safe and so are the rest of your family. You don’t have to be strong all the time, you don’t have to keep fighting. Relax, breathe and trust me, God is real. Trust Him and lean into Him. Please don’t go to other people for your worth, it’s going to break you every time. There is hope and you are not alone, though the voices are saying you are, I promise you are not.
You’re 13 yet you’ve been through a lot more than what a lot of 13 year olds haven’t gone through, but try and enjoy just being a teenager, enjoy being with friends, it’s okay to have fun. You don’t have to hide who you are, you don’t have to keep pretending, please don’t keep pretending because I’m now having to really discover who I am.
There’s a lot I could say and tell you not to do because you’re going to regret it a lot but I wouldn’t be that person that I am today if those things never happened. There’s a lot that definitely could’ve been avoided, a lot of hurt and painful memories that could have easily been avoided but forgive yourself. I just want you to know your worth, I want you to see that there is so much value to life and it’s purely because of Jesus and the price that He paid for you.
I also want you to know the abuse is not your fault, it isn’t yours to carry. You didn’t deserve it, no one deserves it. The things that happen to you, the things guys have done to you, it is not your fault, don’t carry it upon yourself, don’t carry shame. Hand it ALL to God, He will completely heal you and cleanse you.
There’s going to be a hell of a lot of challenges where you will want to give up but keep pressing forth, there’s going to be a lot of times where your faith is incredibly challenged but keep pressing in, there’s going to be a lot of pain but God is good and it is not His doing so trust Him.
Your worth is not in boys, they will never satisfy you, your worth cannot come from boys and the opinions of others because that steals so much from you, find it all in God. Know Him as your Father, as your Friend and as your Comforter.
Let me tell you some good things that have happened that I know you think would never happen:
-You graduate, you finish year 12 and you got a few certificates along the way
-You’ve stopped self harming (been a few relapses here and there but you’ve stopped)
-You’ve visited Darwin, QLD, Sydney, WA for various of reasons but the main reason is for Jesus
-You now live in Darwin and about to move to Brisbane
-You made it to 20 coming up to 21
-Your mum and yourself have a better relationship
-You make incredible friends that become just like family
-You see 21 Pilots live
-You see Reece Mastin live lol
-You see Neck Deep and State Champs live
-You also have seen a few other lowkey but incredible artists live
-You have worked in completely different environments and have learnt so many different skills
-You have a blog!
There’s so much more but one thing you so learn is that God is real and He loves you and He changes your life completely.
The best advice I could give you right now is that yes, it may seem like the only option is to give up as you feel like there is no hope but the Gospel is hope. It gets better and my advice is to open your heart to the Lord, it will save so much heartbreak and save your life. Also, dream big, dream about your future, don’t stop dreaming and don’t stop using your imagination.
“Dear younger me
It’s not your fault
You were never meant to carry this beyond the cross
Dear younger me
You are righteous
You are one of the redeemed
Set apart a brand new heart
You are free indeed
Through each heartache you will see
Every moment brings you closer
To who you were meant to be
Dear younger me, dear younger me”