Oh 2020 what the heck!

First of all, yep I’m moving to Brisbane!!! One more month left in Darwin!

“24/02/20

It’s always around this time, late at night all alone when those pesky thoughts come in. What I’ve learnt recently is just always being real, raw and honest with God, even when I feel like absolute crap. To just give Him everything I’m feeling, everything I’m thinking but then also call upon His goodness and faithfulness.
Right now the things going through my mind is mainly about my appearance, thoughts of being ugly, fat, not good enough, not a good shape blah blah blah, the list goes on. You’d think that by now I’d learn to take a hold of these thoughts and just get deal with them but sometimes I just entertain these thoughts instead of taking them captive and exposing them and sitting with the truth about me. These thoughts are just real to me right now, thats what I see, though I know thats not what others see, that’s not what my Creator sees. Sometimes these thoughts and feelings become very overwhelming that I feel like I’ve lost complete control of them and I’m learning to make sure when those first thoughts come in to really grab a hold of it then before it becomes a big problem. Other thoughts and feelings that are reoccurring are the thoughts of my family hate me and that I’m the only one trying hard to reconcile relationships, this is definitely what the devil wants me to believe, he wants me to be bitter and hold grudges and unforgiveness against my family, he wants to create even more disunity and seperation with everyone and because I really really love my family, he knows how hard I try to fight for them that he will use a few true things and completely twist them into something SO much bigger than what it actually is. The enemy is honestly just a big fat jerk and I’m sick and tired of entertaining these silly attempts to make me fall. Writing is a weapon, I believe God has given me to fight and to express. As I’m typing these words, I feel peace already, I feel these thoughts leave and become smaller and smaller, as I’m typing I feel God with me and Him reminding me of His goodness and how He will use me to glorify Him in what I write. I’m always learning and always growing but in everything God remains the same and He’s the only One that is stable and steadfast. He is my rock on which I stand, the ground in which I am rooted in.”

Father, help me, teach me, grow me, use me, Father I need You always.

These past few months have been so hectic in a good and bad sort of way. I wish I could share the past 4 months of my life but I wouldn’t even know where to begin. The amount of hard nights and days I’ve had lately is unreal and this year has just not what I have expected it to be, my plans that I originally had for the year has gone bye bye and I’m doing things completely different to how I thought I would be. I’ve had a few moments of slipping back to old bad habits to cope with stressful situations and hard emotions but it’s been less of slipping into those ways and more into pressing into the Lord which has been a huge huge difference for me. 
• After coming back from Melbourne in Oct (after Shifting Gears), I had a few weeks here in Darwin before going to QLD (Went to Brisbane, Sunshine Coast and Gold Coast) in GC we ran Schoolies For Jesus which was hella fun and saw so many healings and teenager’s lives transform.
• Again a few weeks after returning from QLD, went back to Vic for about 6 weeks and spent time with family and then in Bendigo with some friends which was so glorious.
• Now I’m back in Darwin and getting prepared to move to Brisbane at the end of March
They’re the main things I’ve been up to and what’s been happening in my life. The reason why I’m going to Brisbane is actually not just for one reason, I’m taking some time off in ministry *for 3 months* and really just focusing on my relationship with the Father but also to really work towards a dream that I believe God has placed in my heart.

jesus lub u


The Dream

So what I really really want to do with my life is to eventually own my own cafe and hire youth that are classed as “troubled” or “struggling” and to have a few people and myself disciple them. To be able to give them a job at the cafe and teach them life skills and give them something to do with their time, with their life and future. I already have a few ideas for the name of the cafe and I just so believe that the Lord is on this and that He will just bless this. I want these youth to know they’re loved by the Creator of the universe, their Creator, their Father. I want them to be able to just KNOW God and to take ownership of their own faith and then as they’re working at the cafe, to then also disciple other kids and just see something remarkable happen within the youth. I want the youth to know their identity and be confident in it. I don’t want to keep seeing people confused in who they are created to be, I don’t want to keep seeing youth completely destroy themselves trying to be what people expect them to be or trying to find happiness in everything else that just causes more pain and suffering. I am so excited to see this cafe happen and what God will do and how He will use it for His good. I also REALLY REALLY REALLY love coffee.

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Everything we do needs to glorify Him. What I’ve recently (literally the past 2 almost 3 weeks) been learning and reading has been incredibly interesting. It’s mainly been about identity in Christ but also letting my conduct be worthy of the gospel (Philippians 1:27, Ephesians 4:1), also learning to always give thanks, in everything, in all circumstances learning gratitude and being thankful changes your whole perspective. I’ve been learning more about just how to pray and how powerful the Scripture is, 2 Timothy 3:16 in the Passion Translation says

‘Every Scripture has been inspired by the Holy Spirit, the breath of God. It will empower you by its instruction and correction, giving you the strength to take the right direction and lead you deeper into the path of godliness.’ 
And then AMP
‘All Scripture is God-breathed [given by divine inspiration] and is profitable for instruction, for conviction [of sin], for correction [of error and restoration to obedience], for training in righteousness [learning to live in conformity to God’s will, both publicly and privately—behaving honourably with personal integrity and moral courage];’
I find that soooooooo comforting and so powerful. Each word in the Bible is supposed to be there, my prayer daily before reading the Word is that He would speak to me through the Word because it’s breathed by Him, and because of Hebrews 4:12

‘For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.’
It is alive and active, when you read the Word, not only is it breathed by God but it is alive and active. God speaks through His Word and it is exciting. I go in and He speaks to me about it, things start to take root in my Spirit, in my heart, even if I’ve read the Scripture 100 times before, I don’t ever want to get tired of it because He speaks through it. I keep learning more and more, the more I read it, the more I grow. To be humble and to keep a teachable heart is my desire daily, to let God teach you something, even if that means being disciplined. A good Father disciplines his kids

‘It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. ‘ Hebrews 12:7-8 
Being disciplined leads to righteousness, it leads to growth, it leads to Christ. I’ve been asking God a lot lately to teach me things, to bring out things that I need to hand over to Him and just reveal things in me that aren’t of Him and to also grow me in love for people, to grow me in love for those people that have hurt me and to grow me in seeing the best in people. He’s also been teaching me what to fix my mind to.
‘Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. ‘ Philippians 4:8
‘If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. ‘ Colossians 3:1-2
Doing that is an everyday, every minute sort of thing. I need to be actively seeking things that are true, noble, lovely, of good report, virtue and praiseworthy, actively setting my mind on things above and constantly be renewing my mind (Romans 12:2, Ephesians 4:23-24), which really means setting my mind on things above. What things are you setting your mind to, where are your eyes fixed to?



Praying, has anyone else struggled with this? You’re praying then suddenly your mind goes off some place else? Then you feel silly and then guilty and so on? You try and get back on track but it seems to go off the track again? Or is that just me? I’ve found writing prayers helps me a lot, it goes for pages and pages but it helps and I don’t get sidetracked as easily, that has honestly helped increase my prayer life a lot recently. Though now my hands, fingers and arm hurt A LOT! It’s also awesome reading back on prayers and just seeing how God has answered them all in His own way, that seriously increases my faith.
Philippians 4:4-7 says
‘Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.’
And Colossians 4:2 says
‘Continue earnestly in prayer, being vigilant in it with thanksgiving; ‘ 

These two verses here have really really poked at my heart. I have so many thoughts regarding both these verses and these are just my thoughts.
Always rejoice in the Lord, in every circumstance and in everything always rejoice in Him. Be gentle, be kind to everyone, even those who do you wrong, even those who don’t give it back. Don’t be anxious (I used to say easier said than done but when you continue reading WOW), BUT in everything by prayer and supplication meaning the action of asking or begging for something earnestly or humbly and earnestly meaning with sincere and intense conviction. So by praying and asking earnestly (sincere and intense conviction)/humbly (knowing your identity in Christ as a son/daughter and not with a huge ego or downplaying who God made you to be) with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and then HIS peace which goes beyond all understanding will guard you hearts and minds. WHAT THE HECK.
Then the next verse, continue earnestly so again with sincere and intense conviction in prayer, being vigilant meaning keeping careful watch for possible danger or difficulties in it (it meaning prayer) with thanksgiving. This verse really tripped me out because I was super confused in what possible danger there could be, I came to a conclusion that I believe that’s what it’s saying, that its meaning our hearts. In prayer where our hearts could be at, where are we coming from when we are praying? I got this conclusion from Eph 6:18 and 1 Peter 4:7
We should be praying like we are face to face with God right now! If you were face to face with Him now communing with Him, would your prayer life be different? Mine certainly would!
It all also ties down to thanksgiving, The Lord is so worthy and deserving of our praises and thanksgiving. Sometimes I’ve struggled with making my needs known to God, even though He already knows, I think sometimes I feel like I’m not worth it or that He just wouldn’t provide for me because I’m not good enough and so on. First of all, we are not living in the law, we are justified through faith and its through faith we are saved and called righteous, holy and blameless. It is through Jesus we are called sons and daughter of God. We are His heirs and we are His own. We have to be confident in our identity, confident that we are His children. We have complete access to Him.

‘Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him.’ I John 5:14-15 


‘Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.’ Mark 11:24

‘Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.’ Hebrews 4:16

When I had that revelation on praying, and just actually praying as if I am face to face with Him, I felt so much joy and the presence of God fill my room. I started laughing with joy and just wanted to dance. I felt His peace and His comfort. I then had this image of just sitting at His feet in the throne room and just talking to Him and how marvellous and how glorious He is, but then also asking for things I need with such confidence and then I saw a picture of this little girl sitting by her father’s feet in such awe of her father and also knowing her place with her father. She undoubtedly knew that she is his daughter and he is her father and she knew that she is so deeply loved by him and that what she asked for, what she needed she knew her father would provide and guide her. She was expectant and she had so much joy in even asking him for her needs. I felt like that’s how we should be, coming to Him boldly, confident that He hears us and that He will give them to us. He is a loving Father and He is good. 

 

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