It has been 9 weeks living in Brisbane which is so wild and it has gone by really quickly… it’s mind boggling really… Praise God restrictions are getting lifted, slowly yes but its finally happening. In these 9 weeks there has been a lot of healing take place and just a lot of re-building. There’s been many tears shed and many laughs in the presence of the Lord right here in my room. There’s been lots of decision making of choosing joy, choosing peace, choosing Him over negative feelings, over irrational fear and over old thoughts and old feelings/behaviours. I can understand that during this pandemic, being quarantined and being in iso can really take a toll on some people, especially if they’re in war with their own mind.
I’ve been praying a lot that the Lord would reveal things that aren’t of Him in me and that He would really teach me His ways and just to really stand firm in my identity of Him, to know Him just as that is what we are created to do. He has recently just unpicked some stitching in me that I myself sowed for years and years in my mind, it has not just been a liberating time but it also has been quite painful. I have come to a point where I have had to deactivate certain social media accounts for a period of time because of this need I had of distracting myself so I don’t feel certain things, or really face what’s staring right back at me when I look in the mirror – me. I’ve been wearing this mask for quite some time and it’s painful to let go of it because it means, vulnerability and dealing with emotions I’ve pushed down for a very long time. It means letting go of pride and a need for validation.
The Lord really prompted me to deactivate certain social media accounts and since then I’ve had so many painful and ugly cries with Him, I’m surrendering control and letting Him do the work in me, taking things away that don’t belong in me because I am light, I am a new creation and I have the mind of Christ and it’s now time to look after that, to steward it well and to walk in His fullness that He paid for. It has been getting so much better not mindlessly scrolling for hours on end and my mind feels so much more free. I love it. God knows best.
The devil loves to whisper little lies to you, he loves to play the game of telling you things that are contrary to God’s Word and what God, our Heavenly Father says about us. Sometimes we don’t think they’re lies because it eventually becomes something that we believe about ourselves, it becomes our reality, and we hardly can see the lies for what they are, lies. They are things that make us feel like we’re not good enough, or that we are failures, or that we’re a bad person etc. It could even swing the other way, saying we’re too good for everyone else, we don’t need anyone, we’re right and everyone else is completely wrong etc. I’ve written about some lies that I’ve recognised in my life recently and it is actually so painful to admit, its painful to even recognise, maybe thats pride talking but lies are just so destructive to not only yourself but to everyone else around you.
Has there been any lies that have been tormenting you lately? If so, what are they?
I’ve just realised that this is a topic I really love indulging in and talking about. Maybe because it’s what God has been teaching me a lot lately and it just keeps getting better and better. Oh 2020 what the heck! I speak about taking thoughts captive and prayer. It is an ongoing learning journey for me and I don’t have it perfect but I can see a change in my life already from when God first started taking me on this journey. It is a humbling experience but so important. I am so grateful that I’m on this journey now and I’m excited for growth and change.
I’m starting to recognise when things that aren’t from God come into my mind and I can call them out for what they are and pray about it. A few weeks ago there were a few nights in a row where I was having these irrational fears about dying or my little brothers dying and about never seeing my family again. It was so hectic and quite overwhelming, I quickly recognised it for what it was and told it to get lost and it left straight away. It was a crazy few nights of that but since growing in His Word, growing in understanding the authority that we do have and understanding who I am in Christ has been so powerful and has made taking every thought captive a lot more easier.
I’m growing in understanding the importance of needing the Father, of relying on His strength, of desiring His closeness and His security. I’m growing in understanding my role as a beloved daughter and walking in His fullness that He offers.
Gosh, I’ve really learnt a lot in relying on the Father and His peace and love in these past two days alone. The enemy loves to bring up the past, the enemy loves to remind me of what has happened and what I’ve done and what has been done against me. Monday 25th of May I found out I had a hole in my retina (at the back of my eye) that was caused by a trauma to my head, apparently it wasn’t new so it had been there for a while. The last trauma I had to my head was by my ex stepdad on that one particular night. For a long time that event traumatised me and it was a process trying to overcome it, the Lord had really done a work in my heart and mind. Anyway, there has been drama again happening with my family and people bringing up that night which I don’t particularly want to keep talking about and dig up unnecessary feelings and play into satan’s games. This was really another attempt of his tricks and games that I don’t want to play. The Lord is incredibly faithful and He is my peace above all things. It is a daily thing to choose Him above all else. I could have easily gone into panic mode and freak out about the worst case scenario but I chose God and gave Him the situation, I gave Him any of my worries and no matter the outcome, God is in control and I will always continue to give Him glory and praise. Sometimes it really does feel like you’re in a war against your own mind which is why we really need to remember wearing our armour of God.
'Put on the whole armour of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armour of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints— and for me, that utterance may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the mystery of the gospel, ' Ephesians 6:11-19
Heres 7 things I’m asking God to grow me in :
1. Loving people unconditionally
2. Setting and placing boundaries in love
4. Having no fear to stand up for myself and for the Lord
5. Exposing lies and growing and living in truth
6. See every single person I come across the way God sees them
What are areas you want to grow in? Or what is God growing you in now?